What Now, God?
In the last three years, I have been faced with cancer, suffered life-threatening lung damage, had my marriage disintegrate, moved to a strange city, and been forced to learn how to live alone for the first time in my 53 years. What a blessing!No, I am not nuts...while I realize that all of this is enough to give me good reason to be so. My father always said that I was the kind of person who had to learn lessons the hard way. Well, God has had some lessons to teach me, and believe me, I have had to learn them the hard way.Now, with more maturity and more of an honest sense of who I am and what I am capable of, God has me at a bit of a cross-roads, once again. My contracts at work are all concluded by the second week in August, and I must scan the job postings, within our organization, for what God will supply, next. With this process, has come the opportunity to apply for a position which would look after my worldly needs, but require me to uproot and move, once again, to a place where I know no one, and nothing of the city. Do you think God is still working to break my dependance on others for my happiness, for my self-esteme and self-worth?While I don't know what God has planned next, I do know what He has taught me in the last couple of years. Now, I understand why we are instructed to boast about nothing, save the healing sacrifice of Christ. All of those talents and skills, in which I placed my value, have been stripped away. They have only been given back as He has willed them to be; to His purpose, and for His purpose.I now understand why He instructs us to place our value in Him alone. All that I thought gave me my value has been lost, with nothing but an empty shell remaining. He has chosen the bits of things to start filling this vessel with. While I must admit to still having some difficulty in the wisdom area, I am far more honest, with myself and with others, and through this new-found honesty, has come a new budding sense of wisdom, which is God-based and God-purposed.I have grown up past a lifetime of struggling to be what everyone in my life expected or desired me to be. Now, I am in the adventure of finding out who I really am, what I really want, what I am really capable of, and more excitingly, what His purpose is for my life. All of this, only by His grace, in His strength and for His glory.The more I am less, the less I am more. That leaves only room for Him--as it should be. With that, I am more blessed, every day, with fresh opportunity to serve and honour Him. And, wonder of wonders, I have learned the humility it takes to ask for help; learned the courage to turn my back on things that do not include nor honour Him; and, learned that I can trust again. First learning to completely trust Him, then learning to trust myself, and through those steps, learning to trust others.Oh, I won't lie and tell you that it has all been an easy road to travel. Delving into the unknown areas of our personality and past lives is always front with obsticles. There are going to be some nasty bumps and bruises. Thankfully, I serve the Great Physician and He is more than capable of healing me through the process.I remember when I broke a bone in my arm. The doctor explained that, when healed, it would be stronger than the one in the other arm, that had never been broken. This is the kind of healing that my Abba Father is doing in my life. It is painful, I have had to ask for help, but when the healing process is all completed, I will be stronger than I ever could have been, had He not broken me.So, my dear ones, I have no clue what God is up to now. All I know, for certain, is that He loves me, as He loves you. Whatever His plan is, I am trusting that He will supply what I need to meet the next change and challenge in my life.Be blessed, and remember:"Not everyone can do great things; but everyone can do small things in great ways." Mother Teresa