The Marraige Bed

Both my friend, Laurie, and I have had our daughters married in the past few months. We both share, with amusement, some of the transitional issues that newly married folk have to work through. All the while, we are going back in time to the place where we were faced with these same transitional struggles.

Laurie's daughter has to deal with being an instant step-mom, as well as stepping into a home that has functioned till now, without her input. She is struggling, not only to find her place in this already established family, but to have her preferences and desires paid attention to. She feels, a good deal of the time, like someone who has been hired as a live-in maid. Her new husband, goes through his day, as he always has, and often pays her the same amount of attention that he pays his children. Not that he at all is a slacker in that, but as a new wife, Laurie's daughter needs to feel loved, appreciated, and longs for that glow she had while dating her dashing new husband.

Instead of feeling like she is a new bride, she feels like a dependable vaccuum cleaner--there to clean up after everyone, and appreciated only when she gets the job done to everyone's satisfaction.

A big issue is meal time. The family is used to meals that are prepared a certain way--the way their mom used to prepare them. Laurie's daughter, unfortunately, did not grow up with this sainted woman, and has no idea how she used to prepare their meals. All she knows is how her own mom prepared them. The fact that Laurie's daughter is an excellent cook, who takes the health of her new family very seriously in the meal planning process, has absolutely nothing to do with it all. The kids like the things the way they were, and Laurie's daughter's attempts to provide delicious and nutritious meals only seem to aggrivate them.

All Laurie could advise was for her daughter to get the children to show her how they like things, and to slowly, one recipe at a time, move them into her personal cooking style. Slow and easy is always the best process for such drastic change.

My daughter's transition has been much easier, as she and her new husband had worked together very closely on a mission's team. They had lived in a mission house, with their team, and have learned a lot of personal preferences about one another that most do not have to deal with until they are married. Then, when the knight in shining armor leaves his dirty socks on the floor of the bedroom, the crash from his pedistal is so audible that it rocks four adjoining states. She is, however, having a struggle that every single newly married person faces, to some degree or other.

Heather is an extrememly light sleeper, and has never had to share a bed with anyone more than a night or two. Now, with her new husband, she is finding that she can not get the solid sleep that her body desperately needs. She is the type that actually gets ill, if she suffers from lack of rest.

Now, those of us who have gone through that struggle for personal space, can relate, I know. Telling her that it will get easier, does nothing to aleviate her stress over it all, right now. The situation is made worse, I think, because they have a second bedroom where she can escape to. While this allows her to get the much needed rest, it will only make the transition take that much longer. It is like pulling off a bandade. If you put off pulling it off, in only gets harder to do, and actually causes more harm. Because I know this is really a painful issue for her, I have polled my friends on what the hardest thing was that they had to deal with when they first were married. They were more than willing to share some of their horror stories, and some of their--often humourous--solutions.

What did surprise me, though, was to find out that this sharing a bed with another person was one of the most painful and upsetting of the transitional issues. The wife carries a feeling like she is, in some way, failing as a "good" wife. The husband carries a feeling that he is somehow failing in providing for his new wife.

It is obviously not an issue to take lightly. Since I really did not come up with any answers for my daughter other than the one I gave her previously, I may do more research on the subject of newly married transitional issues. The writer in me wants to do the research and dig until I come up with a better answer for my daughter.

This activity will also keep me so busy that I won't be interfering in the transitional period beyond what God ordains. It is a win/win situation.
If you have any "newly married" stories that you would like to share, contact me through my website: www.awriterstoolbox.com

Through this sharing, maybe we can bring at least a smile to our newly married daughter's faces. We will also come to realize that we were not as alone in these struggles as we at first thought.

Be blessed, dear ones. Know that God loves you, and so do I
Jude

Footprints

FootprintsLike all of my Christian friends, the poem "Footprints" is scattered all around my home. Even my favorite pen has tiny footprints running up and down its length. Needless to say, I love the message of that poem. Just knowing that God is there to support me when I have not the strength, courage, nor wherewithal to support myself, gives me great comfort.

As I look at the small postie with the sand-coloured footprints along its base, and the words, "that is when I carried you" along the top, it brings me to thinking about my own footprints. What kind of trail have I left in the sandy beach of life? I would like to say that they were straight, you know, to fit in the narrow way; but unfortunately, my life was hard fought for and hard won for Christ.

As a writer, I love doing research. Much of my time is deep in forensic text books. Through this research, I remember being very interested in a section on footprints. From the way they were set, spaced, aimed, or how deep they were into a soft ground, a forensic scientist could tell you a lot about the person who had made them.

As I think back on my life, I realize how very telling my footprints would be. My periods of anger would have my prints space a bit further apart, and deeper set as I charged through my days. The days when I just felt the burden was too much to handle, my footprints would be close together and would probably wander in a meandering path along my day.

There were times when my footprints would have been made with rebellious biker boots, and times when having absolutely nothing left to loose, bare feet. Times when only the partial print of my toes would show, as I danced through my day in complete joy.

Yes, each and every footprint would leave telling evidence of how my day was going and how I was dealing with it. As I have grown in my Christian walk, what great joy and comfort have come to be mine as I accept that God has been walking along with me. The more mature I become in Him, the more I can look back and recognize His footprints next to mine. And, like mine, His also have changed in reflection of how He has felt as he walked along beside me.

One thing that I know for sure, no matter whether His footprints are close together, far apart, or set deep into the sand, I know that He is walking beside me for one reason, and one reason only; He loves me.

What I pray for today, and the rest of my life is that my footprints lead me closer and closer to His throne. I also pray that along the journey, I am able to touch many who do not know Him, and introduce them to His great love and grace through Jesus Christ.

Walk on, my dear ones. Remember, God is walking along with you.

Jude

A Bright New Year

A bright new year, I heave a huge sigh, God has granted me another entire year. As I look back on my year, there are definate times when I know that I have been a blessing to God and to those in my association. There are, however, also many times when I know that I have not been much of a blessing to anyone. SIGH!

I could determine to do much better in this new year; but why set myself up to a task that I have so little control over accomplishing? It is more realistic to determine to do my best with whatever God sends my way. That, I know I can accomplish, as long as I allow Him to help me.

This was a very unique end to a year. In the last month, my daughter was married, my two sons were home for the wedding (I got to see them through my friends eyes, and was very proud to be their mother), and my home was emptied of most of my last child's possessions. Needless to say, with everyone gone, and her possessions packed up to be shipped out, the place feels very empty.

Now, I could determine to feel depressed and mournful of the fact that she is half a world away, and my sons are a good distance from home, as well--and to be honest, I often slip into that depression--but for today, the first day of this new year, I am determined to count my blessings. All of my children are safe, healthy, and doing what they love to do. Concentrating on their happiness, instead of my loneliness, makes this new year feel bright and full of promise.

The year started with 2 people signing on for writing courses on my web site. There is absolutely nothing I love doing more than sharing my knowledge and passion for fiction writing with those who are just beginning their writing adventure. God has truly blessed me with these budding writers in my life.

My husband is sitting watching a hockey game (with his eyes closed) and I am catching up with a month's worth of posts on my favorite writing loop (ACFW)...oh yes, and doing a New Year's post on here. he he

There are moments when I feel that I can't stand living in such an isolated location from my family (Northwestern Ontario), but today I went for a walk in the winter wonderland that is my home, and was blessed with sightings of deer, Blue Jay, Canada Jay and even a rabbit. If I lived in the city where my family all dwell, I know that I would be longing for the quiet and beauty of the country. So, there you go.

Thinking of friends who are far away also makes me a bit sad. I wonder if I will ever see them again. A dear friend passed on, this Christmas. This made me realize how very precious those I love are to me. It also made me scoot keeping in contact with them to a much higher level on my priority list.

So, with my daughter, Heather, heading back to New Zealand, my oldest son, Mike, back in Winnipeg, starting a new job and working to move his family, and Dan, my middle child being back in Windsor, working as needed and working on his music passions, I could feel very all along. However, God has blessed me with a husband who, while not the most exciting man on earth, loves me dearly. I am truly blessed. All of my little family love one another and are supportive...even when we don't quite understand or appreciate what the other is up to. Many people can not claim these precious blessings.

With that thought, my New Year's prayer is for those who are without anyone to miss; without family to love them; those who are alone in this world. My prayer is that they come to know Christ, and with that knowledge, they will come to the realization that they are never alone. Once God(Christ) is invited into their lives, He will never leave them nor forsake them. (Hebrews 13:5) This verse has held me together during the worste parts of my life...and my year. Hopefully, that knowledge will sustain you, as well.

So, my dear friends and family, when looking back at your 2007, try focusing on those things that brought you joy and not the things that caused you concern. With this mindset, 2008 can't help but look like a bright new year.

Be blessed. Know that God loves you...yes, even you...and so do I.
Jude