One small step. That is all God requires of us; one small step. I was thinking, today, about the prodigal son. (Luke 15:11-22) In this story, a man had 2 sons. One son was anxious for his life to start, and demanded his inheritance and headed out on his own. He squandered this inheritance away, then, when he had sunk pretty low, he decided to go back home, to his father and beg for his forgiveness.

The part of the story comes in the second half of verse 20. "While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."

Being a mother, I know that feeling of seeing my child returning home after a long absence. I know that feeling which is half longing and half disbelief. Can it be true? Are they really here? I imagine that this father felt the same way. At first, he was just seeing a silhouette of a man. The shape of him looked somehow familiar.

As the man drew nearer, the father recognized him as the son he thought was lost to him. What joy filled his heart. Then, the shape pauses for a brief moment, unsure of what kind of reception he was going to receive. The father, noticing the hesitation has a moment of panic. "What if he changes his mind and turns around?"

So, he does what any parent who loves unconditionally would do. He runs and snatches his son up in his arms and plants kisses full of love and acceptance on him.

When I am with my children, now all grown up, I long for them to be small again, so I can take them in my arms without restraint and pour my love for them out freely. When they were that young, alas, like so many other mothers, I did not love them as unconditionally, as constantly, as unrestrainedly as I should have. Life was just too busy, too painful, to confusing at that time. Not an excuse, just the only reason I have. It is a regret that I will have to carry with me, all the rest of my life.

Being a different person now, and as good a mother as I can, does little to appease my regret. Still, I know that even in that time, I did the best that I was capable of. Not the best that I could have done, just the best I was capable of.

Thankfully, my children know more about unconditional love that I did at that time. They have forgiven my inadequacies and continue to love me unconditionally. The gratefulness I feel due to their grace is the only thing that appeases my regret.

My relationship with my Father God has been the same. I have not loved Him as fully, as constantly, as unconditionally, as unrestrainedly as I should have. Just like my children, God only requires me to make one small step towards Him. Then, like the father of that prodigal son, He will run to me, take me in His arms and shower His love upon me. All I need to do is to take that one tentative step.

When you have so much in your life that you feel guilty about, that one step can take a lot of courage. There are times when that one small step is backing away, sometimes, I pause and even turn from His welcoming love. Still, He waits, unmoving, waiting for me to take that step towards Him, again.

What glory! What joy! When He is so loving, so gracious to forgive me my turning from Him, how can I possibly not learn to be forgiving? Even to the point where I can forgive myself. So, today, I am not only taking that one small step, even though I know that it is all that is required--I am running straight into His arms and soaking in His welcoming love.

How about you? Are you brave enough to take that one small step? He is waiting for you with arms wide open and a heart full of love.

In my creative writing work, what I am finding most enjoyable is the research. To write a believable story, the facts have to be historically, geographically, and forensically correct. To that end, I have been researching murder. No, I am not planning to murder anyone outside of the realm of fiction, but I want my characters to have the right personality traits and use methods, which will stand the test of logic. While I do not think there is anything logical about taking another’s life, I want those who have read, investigated and work in those occupations that come in contact with these deviations to read my work and feel that it is believable and follows the logistics of the crime. To that end, I must investigate murders, murderers, murder methods, and murder investigations.

What I am finding is that my files are starting to take shape and become organized to the point where compiling them in a book is starting to make sense. It would be a murder guide for writers, as it were. Therefore, soon, I will be working to compile this bevy of information into some semblance of logical order. Once that is done, I will be formatting it and delving into the world of editors, agents, and publishers, to see if I can drum up some interest. This is a new step for me, and one that I have, up to now, avoided out of sheer terror. Writing, when kept as a solitary occupation, leaves one free of criticism--but does nothing to further one in their writing careers.

So, with this new project in mind, I am feeling revived in my fervor to get moving ahead. In the meanwhile, I will keep researching and compiling. Someone once told me that real life is what happens while we are waiting for our life to start. I think it is the same with my writing. My career is what will be happening, while I am waiting for my idea of a career to begin.

When praying for those you love, do you believe that God is listening, caring and answering your prayers? When He answers, do you recognize that fact--or like me, do you pray, and wait for some great change to occur right before your unbelieving eyes? That is exactly the way I was. This weekend, however, God opened my eyes, and I realized the error of my ways.
For over 15 years, I have been praying for a softening of my husband's heart. In many ways, he was a cold, inflexable and hate-filled person. While there was much good in him, these attributes caused me a great deal of hurt. So, as any good Christian wife would do, I prayed for my unsaved husband. I really don't know what I expected--maybe a lightening bolt would come and strike him and he would be changed. Every time there was a big crisis in our life, I expected him to see the error of his ways and to come through it all a changed man. To my disappointment, he came through and remained just the same.
A few years ago, my son came and helped on the farm for the summer. I saw a gratefulness in my husband that I had never seen before, but did not recognize it for what it was. When we dropped my son off at the bus depot at the end of the summer, my husband, much to my embarrassment, broke into tears and sobbing. I was appauled. Instead of realizing that God has brought about the softening that I had been praying for, I was the one with the hard heart. Seeing my husband in his emotional state made me angry and discusted.
This weekend, I realized for the first time, that God had answered my prayer for Brian's heart. It was a big "splinter in your neighbour's eye" moment for me. I was so ashamed. Instead of trusting and recognizing God's work in my husband's heart, I saw it as one more thing that bothered me. What I realized is that I was so concerned about the state of my husband's heart, that I forgot to be concerned about the state of my heart.
Since this realization, I have begun to look at my husband in a whole new light. I have also started to pray for my own heart to be softened. God answers prayer. He just doesn't answer them our way, or in our time. Sometimes, the answer is subtle, and sometimes, the answer is to change us, more than those we are praying for. He has been teaching me about happiness and contentment, lately. Maybe, through these lessons, He had my attention long enough to teach me about how He answers prayer, and about judgement. I pray that He never stops teaching me these lessons. While they hurt, I am a far better person for the learning of them.
Be blessed, and be assured, God does care when you speak to Him, and He always answers.