So I have this lump. As any woman knows, once they hear that a lump has been found, nothing in life looks quite the same every again. It doesn't matter whether the lump is found to be cancer, or a benign tumor, the emotional effects of hearing that word for the first time is still the same. It is a feeling much like what I experienced when I had a miscarriage. My body is all of a sudden this foreign thing that is attacking me.
The discovery of the lump and the miscarriage are equally devastating. In the case of the lump, my life feels, on some level or other--depending on the outcome of the biopsy--to be in peril. With the miscarriage, the precious life inside me was in peril. In both, I felt like my body had broken my trust. More than that, my body felt like an enemy. As with any enemy, it is not functioning in my best interests.
In a way, this same feeling comes to me when I know that I have stepped out of the will of God. My entire being feels like it no longer is serving my best interests, and is actually working to my ruination. What I wonder is why I constantly allow myself to move in these destructive direction?
With the lump and the miscarriage, it was completely out of my hands. All I could do was to trust that God has a plan and lean on the fact that He loves me and would not allow anything that was not in His will and within His plan.
With the rebellion, however(and lets call a spade a spade...it is rebellion),it is completely in my power to change. Again, I must ask, "why?"
Seeking God is something that I do, often without thinking. Stopping in this needed quest and rebelling is something that I seem to do, also without thinking. How I must frustrate my God. Thankfully, He loves me enough to send me a wake-up call.
Today, a friend send me a lovely email. At the bottom of this, was a line signature that said: "A woman should be so lost in God that a man must seek Him in order to find her." Wow! This really spoke to me. It both reprimanded and instructed me.
Have you ever read a line somewhere that just popped out and smacked you in the face? Well, this is exactly what this line did. It was a wake-up call. So, my dear ones, Now wide awake, I am encouraged, and encouraging you, to seek Him and loose yourself in Him.
Our pastor asked, a while ago, what people see when they look at us. Now, I ask myself the same question, "what do people see when they look at me?" Apart from the obvious--you are about 50 pounds overweight--do people see Christ when they look at me? Do they see his love reflected in my eyes? Do they feel his touch when I touch them? Does my physical and emotional demeanor reflect a life based in Him?
Sadly, I have to wonder to what extent I can answer "yes" to any of those queries. Another wake-up call. Can I really and truly believe that I am Christian in the purest sense of the title, if I am not so completely lost in Him that people see Him when looking at me?
As usual, my dear ones, food for thought, and a little bit of encouragement to "get right" and "get lost" in Him. Know that I will sure be making more of an effort to keep my focus and my energy aimed in that direction.
As always, dear ones, know that God loves you, and so do I!
Jude
www.awriterstoolbox.com
