Today is one of those days when my plans changed on the whim of another. So, in an attempt to continue to be productive, I started to do the miriad of little tasks that I kept setting aside for "when I get around to it." Since this time to myself was a gift, I decided to honour it by shortening my 'to-do' list. So, I started out my day by creating gift scrolls for my daughter-in-laws baby shower. What fun to play in the baby graphic sites online and put together a nice creation that reflected our love and excitement at the bending new arrival. Then, the nightmare started! My printer, which has been tempermental, of late, decided it was going to make the job as difficult as possible. It took turns giving me different frustuations from munching over 10 pieces of paper at one time, to printing all but a small patch on the page. I tested several other documents, and they printed just fine. But, all it would give me was 1 good copy out of every 5 or 6. Then, it would also decide there had been a scanner error (I wasn't using the scanner) and just shut down and refuse to print. The whole job took me over 3 hours to do what should have taken only about 30 minutes! I had to baby the machine and feed it one page at a time, and ask it only to print half a page at a time, then turn the paper to do the other half. (2 scrolls on each page) Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have little patience for equipment which I have paid good money for that does not work properly. So, knowing that, you can imagine how I was tempted to just pitch the thing out the window and go and purchase another one. But, as I worked, slow and steady, to get the job done, my frustuation turned to humour and I won the victory over the predicament. Feeling brave, I moved on to job #2, business cards for a gal at my Corps. These have a lovely soft pink background of roses, and a cheerful green writing. Now, to find just the right verse to place on them. So, from fighting with the printer to delving into my Bible and various concordances in my quest for a verse that would witness, while reflecting the gals personality. Next thing I realized, it was almost 3 pm, and I had spent over an hour in the Word! No matter why I open that Book, lately, God has something to give me from it. What an awesome God! So, here I am, at the end of these tasks and a few others in between. Sitting and praising my God for a very productive and pleasant day. My sweet friend, Heather Oliver, is doing well after her surgery, I have been blessed with a few phone calls, emails and encouragement from my last bog...THANKS! One friend told me I was being too hard on myself. She has known me for almost 20 years. But, when push comes to shove, to completely open myself up, I must be willing to open even those places where my hurt, fear, shame and regret are housed. My heart and prayers are with you all, today, my dear ones. May you be blessed as I have been with the reminder that we are only required to do one thing at a time. Just get up and start, keep a steady pace, and focus on God's promise for your reward at the end of the day. Love in Christ, jude

I chose this as my first subject because it is something that I have to keep reminding myself of, every single day. You see, I am one of those types that thinks that my situation is a bit more unique than most. So, to my scripture reading, there is often a, "yes but" added to the text. Admitting that I read the Word, a great deal of the time, looking for what I want to get and not for what God wants to give me, is the first step to letting go and letting God in my daily reading. Letting go, and letting anyone is not something that comes natural to me. Mostly, I like to control situations in an attempt to protect myself from as much pain as possible. What has happened, over and over again, is that I make a big mess of things, and God has to swoop in, like a father eagle, and catch me before I plummet to the ground in a broken heap. I am learning, slow but sure, that to really be free, and to really protect myself from needless pain, I have to learn to trust. First, I have to learn to trust God 100%. Then, as I lean on him, live in His Word. Let the living Word teach, guide, change and grow me up, I can learn to trust myself and others. So, what I am working on, with a vengence, is believing every word that comes from the mouth of God. Being one of those who accepts only what I find logical...stories like Noah and the flood, Jonah and the big fish(there is a debate about that fish in my salvos group, right now) need to be either accepted in faith or discarded, making the rest of the Book loose its legitimacy. "In a humble and gentle spirit, receive and welcome the Word which implanted and rooted in your hearts contains the power to save souls." James 1:21 (Amp) It is time for me to stop walking on the fence, and to make some very tough growing choices. I have been a believer for several years, but always picked and chose what I would believe, and what I wanted to do more research on. I was walking the fence. Through it all, that elusive happiness seemed never to be mine. A dear man, who was very special to me, passed away, this week. All of my family went to pay their respects and join together as a family to support one another....all of my family, except for me. I was not welcome, because of choices I had made in the past in an attempt to avoid pain and suffering. What a lesson, God taught me, as I sat alone, thinking...with an honesty that I would rather have avoided, and realized that I was paying for years of not completely believing His Word, and trying to control my own life. Well, I controlled it, alright...not only has there been more pain and suffering than was necessary, but I have an extended family which does not exactly welcome me with open arms. I have quit on them. I have cast them off, in an attempt to protect myself. My dear friends, beware of those you willingly cast off. Some day, you may find yourself, just like me, hurting and sitting alone. So, that is my big lesson for this week. God has taught me lots of smaller ones, too numerous to mention, but it is all a growing process. When I was young, and asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always answered, "happy." My life has been a quest for that elusive state of being. Only now, after causing myself and others so very much hurt, do I realize that true happiness has been with me, the whole time. It has been right there, for me to embrace. "Truly happy people are those who carefully study God's perfect law that makes people free, and they continue to study it. They do not forget what they heard, but they obey what God's teaching says. Those who do this will be made happy." James 1:25 (NCV) As Rick Warren says in his book, The Purpose Driven Life, "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable." I pray that you are all being far wiser than I have been in reading, studying and believing His Word, every day! Love in Christ, Jude By His grace; In His strength; and for His glory!