I chose this as my first subject because it is something that I have to keep reminding myself of, every single day. You see, I am one of those types that thinks that my situation is a bit more unique than most. So, to my scripture reading, there is often a, "yes but" added to the text. Admitting that I read the Word, a great deal of the time, looking for what I want to get and not for what God wants to give me, is the first step to letting go and letting God in my daily reading. Letting go, and letting anyone is not something that comes natural to me. Mostly, I like to control situations in an attempt to protect myself from as much pain as possible. What has happened, over and over again, is that I make a big mess of things, and God has to swoop in, like a father eagle, and catch me before I plummet to the ground in a broken heap. I am learning, slow but sure, that to really be free, and to really protect myself from needless pain, I have to learn to trust. First, I have to learn to trust God 100%. Then, as I lean on him, live in His Word. Let the living Word teach, guide, change and grow me up, I can learn to trust myself and others. So, what I am working on, with a vengence, is believing every word that comes from the mouth of God. Being one of those who accepts only what I find logical...stories like Noah and the flood, Jonah and the big fish(there is a debate about that fish in my salvos group, right now) need to be either accepted in faith or discarded, making the rest of the Book loose its legitimacy. "In a humble and gentle spirit, receive and welcome the Word which implanted and rooted in your hearts contains the power to save souls." James 1:21 (Amp) It is time for me to stop walking on the fence, and to make some very tough growing choices. I have been a believer for several years, but always picked and chose what I would believe, and what I wanted to do more research on. I was walking the fence. Through it all, that elusive happiness seemed never to be mine. A dear man, who was very special to me, passed away, this week. All of my family went to pay their respects and join together as a family to support one another....all of my family, except for me. I was not welcome, because of choices I had made in the past in an attempt to avoid pain and suffering. What a lesson, God taught me, as I sat alone, thinking...with an honesty that I would rather have avoided, and realized that I was paying for years of not completely believing His Word, and trying to control my own life. Well, I controlled it, alright...not only has there been more pain and suffering than was necessary, but I have an extended family which does not exactly welcome me with open arms. I have quit on them. I have cast them off, in an attempt to protect myself. My dear friends, beware of those you willingly cast off. Some day, you may find yourself, just like me, hurting and sitting alone. So, that is my big lesson for this week. God has taught me lots of smaller ones, too numerous to mention, but it is all a growing process. When I was young, and asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always answered, "happy." My life has been a quest for that elusive state of being. Only now, after causing myself and others so very much hurt, do I realize that true happiness has been with me, the whole time. It has been right there, for me to embrace. "Truly happy people are those who carefully study God's perfect law that makes people free, and they continue to study it. They do not forget what they heard, but they obey what God's teaching says. Those who do this will be made happy." James 1:25 (NCV) As Rick Warren says in his book, The Purpose Driven Life, "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable." I pray that you are all being far wiser than I have been in reading, studying and believing His Word, every day! Love in Christ, Jude By His grace; In His strength; and for His glory!