Some Days Are Diamonds (Some Days Are Stone)

When You asked how I've been here without you
I'd like to say I've been fine and I do.
But we both know the truth is hard to come by
And if I told the truth that's not quite true

Some days are diamonds some days are stones
Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone
Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones
Some days are diamonds some days are stones.

Now the face that I see in my mirror
More and more is a stranger to me
More and more I can see there's a danger
In becoming what I never thought I'd be

Some days are diamonds some days are stones
Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone
Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones
Some days are diamonds some days are stones.

Some days are diamonds some days are stones
Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone
Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones
Some days are diamonds some days are stones.

Some days are diamonds; some days are stone. Seems like the bad times won't leave me alone. la la la John Denver sure could write a song. None of his touched my heart as this one did, though.

As I listen to my wonderful ipod(yes, that's right. I am one techno mamma), I am transported back to a painful time in my life. The songs, well, they are mostly from MY era, the 50's '60's, a few that were goldies in those days, and a few that are more up to date. When I heard the Diamonds and Stone song for the first time, I so remember how I was feeling. I was sitting in the dark, on a cement ledge, at a high school near my parent's new home. (it sure didn't feel like my home) The world, as I knew it, was now over.

At the end of my grade 8 year, I was told that I had been chosen of one of only 2 students in the school to attend a technical college. Boy, did I ever feel like I was special...for about one hour. That is how long it took my pea brain to figure out that they were telling me that I was not good enough to succeed in the mainstream educational path. When I went back to the principal's office to ask about it all, now that the initial numbness had worn off, he was brutely honest about it.

Okay, I know that I was smarter than that. My problem was that I was a dreamer. Most of my time was spent in books, or whatever activity would help me escape what I found to be a very painful world. As I look back, I realize that by the age of 15 years, I was already so disallusioned by life, that all I wanted to do was to survive, as best I could, through each day. Every new day that I was given was more of an extended sentence than a blessing. By the age of 16 years, I was on the path to destruction.

The words, "Some days are diamonds," came to mean a day that I actually got from the point of waking up, to the point of going to bed without anyone causing any critical injury to my fragile self-esteem. And, as with most valuable diamonds, they were hard to find, and harder to hold on to. The days of "stone" were far more frequent.

Now, as a mother of adult children, I sometimes wonder if my screw ups have caused more "stones" than "diamonds" in my children's life. Lord, I sure hope not. Hopefully, I was a good mother, far more often than I was a total failure. In the end, we can't go back and fix those mistakes, just pray that God was able to work around them to guide our children into fairly well-adjusted people.

In my humble opinion, I have three pretty wonderful children. They don't always call or visit as much as I would like; but I know that they are hard workers and honest people of intergrety. I know that any of them would willingly sacrifice to help another, especially each other. I don't worry about what kind of people they will turn out to be, as I can see that they are all going to turn out just fine. They are the type of people that will enrich others, just by their aquaintence. Needless to say, I am thankful that they managed to grow up without my sensitive, painfulness becoming a part of who they are.

So, if you are wondering if you are totally screwing up your kids, keep in mind: God is bigger than the sum total of our mistakes. After the age of accountability, they are basically making decisions about the type of people they are going to be. All we can do is our best, and pray fervently for the rest to be covered by God's grace and love.

Know that God loves you, just the way you are...screw-ups and all; and so do I.
Be blessed, Jude