All My Life’s A Circle by: Harry Chapin

All My Life's a Circle
Harry Chapin

(Starts with 2 stanza chorus):

All my life's a circle;
Sunrise and sundown;
Moon rolls thru the nighttime;
Till the daybreak comes around.

All my life's a circle;
But I can't tell you why;
Season's spinning round again;
The years keep rollin' by.

It seems like I've been here before;
I can't remember when;
But I have this funny feeling;
That we'll all be together again.
No straight lines make up my life;
And all my roads have bends;
There's no clear-cut beginnings;
And so far no dead-ends.

     Chorus:

I found you a thousand times;
I guess you done the same;
But then we lose each other;
It's like a children's game;

As I find you here again;
A thought runs through my mind;
Our love is like a circle;
Let's go 'round one more time.

This song depicts what I need to share so effectively.  At 54 years old, my life
should be settled into a comfortable routine.  I should know who I am, what my
strengths and weaknesses are, and what I do and do not possess.  The operative
word being, “should.” I find myself, once more, with one of my children living in
my home. This is challenging me in surprising ways. While I dearly love her, and
am so very grateful for this time together, it is causing me unexpected concerns.
She is no longer a child, and has lived in a situation where, for the most part,
she was in control of her personal life.  Now, she is here, still wanting to be in
control, and making me, at times, feel more like the one who is visiting than the
one whose home it is.  She often acts like her opinions, priorities, wants and needs
are of far more importance in this home, than mine are.  This is a terrible way to
feel in your own home, and with your own child.  While I know she does not intentionally
make me feel this way, still, at times she does.  My life continues to go around in
the circle of feeling insignificant and incompetent and having to struggle for my
sense of self-worth.

That being said, I also realize that this living arrangement is very hard on her. For the last four years she has been able to do things her own way—eat what and when she wants, arrange the room which was her domain any way she pleased, dispose of anything that she felt, and come and go in the schedule which she designed(her responsibilities respected.) Now, she is back with her mom trying to ‘mother’ her. At 26 years old, that has to drive her nuts.

She is coming to understand that while this will always be home, it is not really HER HOME, but her mother’s home. (OUCH!) I so remember when I had to face that harsh reality, and how much it hurt to realize that you indeed can not go backwards. Home is always the place of the heart, but as we grow into adulthood, we must find and make our own place. Having done that, it is not only impossible to go back to being the child who lives with our parents, but is also unfair to the parents, and uncomfortable to the now child-adult. Once we have moved out of the house and struck out on our own, the home-place can never be regained. Our room is no longer ours, but becomes a room in our parent’s house. (OUCH, AGAIN!!)

After the relative freedom of life in Toronto, my sweet Joy is now confined to the fairly regimented schedule of the farm. Also, she is separated from dear friends and associates that have been a big part of her life for those 4 years. The depth of loneliness and feeling of seclusion has to be very painful. Her free spirit is being terribly challenged by the restraints of it all. She no longer is in a home with several independent adults, but is now in a home where we must all be respectful of the schedules, needs, wants and feelings of each other on a whole different level. The priority system is very different, and for someone so young and full of life, must feel terribly restricting.

There is one good thing in our favor, as far as this challenge is concerned; we all love each other very much. We are all willing to try our best to enjoy our time together and not let the other stuff cause too many problems. There is nothing that can subtract from that love.

So, maybe, through this entire summer experience, all of us are going to learn and grow. One thing is for sure, we will learn how to compromise and be considerate and gracious with one another, or die trying. God willing, by the end of Heather’s stay, we will appreciate and respect one another in a much deeper and more mature way. That is my fervent prayer.