The Journey

Have you ever heard someone repeat a saying, until it begins to sound like a mantra, and wonder if they are trying to convince you, or themselves? Through the years, I have repeated the words, "God's timing is perfect", in just such a fashion.(I often wear a bracelet with the word, "Kairos" on it. Which means, basically, "God's timing"). All the while, I have been working on learning patience, trust, and a deeper faith than the cursory one that predominates my life.

My daughter is getting married in December. While this occasion fills me with great joy, it also has plummeted me into a deep mourning. What I am facing is not the usual things that a mother goes through when her daughter is becoming a married lady and knowing that she will be facing many of the same married-woman struggles that you have gone through. What I am facing is that God has taken her and placed her on the other side of the world. As a married woman, she will be remaining in her new spouse's homeland for the foreseeable future. What I am experiencing is a mourning which comes with drastic change. You see, even though I know that God loves me and Heather and is in control, my humanness is selfish and wants Him to arrange things so that they are more comfortable for me. To me, that is to have my children close. Living in Northwestern Ontario, there is just no jobs on our small town for neither my chef sons, nor my heart-for-souls, Salvation Army daughter.

It was hard for me when she was in Toronto, but I at least had the freedom to hop in the car and travel there for a visit. With her new location, that freedom is beyond what I can afford, and should probably physically do.

So, I keep reminding myself that God is in control, and that His timing is perfect. Then, today, I happened on a blog by Pastor Mike Trimble entitled "The Journey".http://miketrimble.typepad.com/my_weblog/2007/06/index.html He talks about change and timing. His blog reminded me of the words Philippians;
"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care-- then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what." (Philippians 2:1-6 MSG)

In fact, in my desiring God to do things my way; to arrange things so that they are more comfortable for me...like having Heather on this continent so I can easily visit her...am I not pushing my way to the front? In my mourning, am I not being in disagreement with my daughter, who has whole-heartedly accepted His plan for her life; not to mention being in disagreement with Him as He has arranged things? Mostly, though, I realized that I was NOT forgetting myself, putting myself aside, nor helping anyone, most especially Heather and Jono, get ahead.

To "get ahead" we must first be in His plan. Why is it so easy to except His plan for my life, yet howl to the sky when His plan is not what I would like for my children?

After Pastor Mike talks about the journey, he hits me with his whammy, "...no matter what." he reminds me. I remembered, years ago now, when I as a mother, gave my daughter over to God's will...no matter what. Those were the exact words I used. While at the time, the no matter what was whether He allowed her to live or took her home, it was still "no matter what." Lesson: When we make a covenant with God, we have to be prepared for His "no matter what" and not one we want to set in place. Contracts with God do not have small print or hidden codicels. He takes us at our word,and with the full knowledge of our heart.

I now need to recommit to that contract, deal, agreement--whatever you want to call it. I now need to let my daughter go, once again. Through the years, I had not realized that I had been taking her back, one bit at a time. What I was doing, I am sure, is robbing her of some of the joy she should have felt in her obedience to Him. All the while, knowing how her plans upset me, dampened her verve for the work He was calling her to do. For this, I am deeply sorry. God knows that I am still a work in progress, and thankfully, He never gives up. Like the song; "Oh no, you never let go; through the calm and through the storm; Oh no, Lord, you never let go of me!"

So, my dear loved ones, this blog is a confession of yet another sin of selfishness and weakness. Thankfully, I know from where my help comes! I also know that He knew from the beginning how very painful these lessons were going to be for me, and has already covered me with His grace and forgiveness...as well as His strength and courage to overcome. Knowing how very intimately He understands me gives me a joy that erases all of the selfish hurt. I am truly blessed to have my daughter not only serving Him, but being willing to go and do whatever He demands of her. Once again, I am witnessed to by her faith walk. (I say that a lot, don't I?)

So, when life seems to move those you love to the other side of the world..either geographically or in any other way, remember that God is in control and He really does know what He is doing. I know...who am I trying to convince you? Or myself?